The other day, I am doing some work on my laptop and some acquaintances are around. As I minimize the screen and my desktop wallpaper is displayed, I hear one of the girls say “Who’s that ugly, green alien guy?” Resisting the temptation to smack her across the jaw, I say:
“That’s not an ugly, green alien guy (you daft bitch). That’s Yoda.”
“Who the fuck is Yoda?”
“Nobody. Just the first Grand Master of the Temple of the Jedi Order.”
Am I a Star Wars geek? No, hardly. But I do think the original trilogy is awesome x 300, and have watched it an appropriate number of times (45+). But, again, I am not a Star Wars geek. I do not know what planet Boba Fett was from, or even the actor that played him. I can’t recall what Admiral Ackbar looks like. Hell, if I had only my memory to count on, I couldn’t even remember any planet names aside from Naboo and Tatooine. I was tempted to say Vulcan, but that’s where Spock is from (the pointy-eared dude in Star Trek).
My point is, there is something innately anomalous about how some people treat movies. If you are anything like me, and you like making clever hot-off-the-press pop culture movie references in the middle of your conversations, you will know what I mean. And it isn’t just limited to Star Wars trivia. Anything, you name it. If it’s something that has made its name in the annals of movie culture before a decade ago, it’s lost in the oblivion of the imbeciles.
I was with a group of guys at work, and we were working together as a team. One of them, as noticed by everyone, was the weakest link, so I kept referring to him as a Fredo. If only I had a penny for every time one of the guys told me it was pronounced Frodo. I couldn’t convince them that I wasn’t talking about that (totally cool) hobbit from LOTR. All of my clever retorts were being wasted on complete idiots. And you remember that movie that came out a few years ago, Kingdom of Heaven. The one where that pansy Orlando Bloom fought a war. Okay, this is how I would sell that film: Directed by Ridley Scott. That’s the fucking end of the story! But you know what it said? It said: From the Director of Matchstick Men. Okay, seriously dudes, how about the director of Gladiator, Thelma & Louise, Blade Runner, Alien even! Is that all that has remained on Sir Ridley’s portfolio? Matchstick Men (great movie, BTW).
And that’s not all. My Reservoir Dogs references, my Pulp Fiction references (bad muthafucka!), my Usual Suspects references, my Sergio Leone trilogy references (the man with no name), my Big Lebowski references, my Clockwork Orange references, my Scarface references – all lost as if they didn’t mean anything. But they did, they totally did. Hey, remember that time when everyone was discussing whether Bin Laden is still dead or alive, and I said it doesn’t matter, he’s turned into another Keyser Soze? And you didn’t know what the fuck I was talking about? Look it up now! And that time when that guy at the bar ordered a White Russian, and I said he was so totally The Dude. I said THE Dude, not a dude. Check him out here.
I know this is starting to sound like a tirade now, so I will end with these words. Stop repeated viewings of Matthew McConaughey and Dwayne Johnson flicks, and go rent The Godfather. No regrets, I promise.
PS: You are not all imbeciles. But some of you are. But not all. Also, I totally know the Star Wars trivia. Boba Fett was played by Jeremy Bulloch. He was a human clone of Jango Fett from Mandalore. Admiral Ackbar looks like an octopus face on a human body. Other planets in the Star Wars original trilogy included Coruscant, Alderaan, Endor, Hoth and Dagobah.
