They’re everywhere in this town. Hidden amongst us. Camouflaged as regular people walking the street. They know their targets really well. They spot you from a distance and conveniently place themselves in your path and tell you a story. You take out some money (not too little, because that’s being cheap, and not too much, because you need it) and hand it over. If they are pleased, they thank you and walk away, looking for another target. If the amount is not to their expectations, they try to coax you into giving more, by repeating their story, this time really emphasizing on the sadder nuances of that tale. Either way, you’ve just been had.

These are our by now famous Pakistani beggars that roam the streets of Dubai. They look for other Pakistani people who they can entrap into handing over some money in exchange for shutting up. They’ll scan you out of a crowd. They know the Pakis from the Indians, from the Iranians. And they call you “brother”, because it’s endearing.

Let’s face it. It’s easier to ignore the beggars sitting on the sides of the mosques, or the ones back home that sit quietly on the corner streets, displaying their amputations. If you have some spare change, you make your way to them and give them some. If not, you just walk on. No guilt. But it’s this new generation of beggars that really gets to people. They are much more successful at getting money out of people, because once they start talking to you, and looking in your eyes, it gets really difficult to not give them something. I’ll have you know that it’s taken me a good 8 years to get the courage to show them the finger. They’re playing on your guilt. The most difficult thing is to apologize and walk away. You feel ashamed when you ought not to. But now I don’t feel shame. I’m not heartless, just level-headed. And I have managed to classify the 3 distinct types of Pakistani beggars in Dubai, and how to deal with them.

The unfortunate upper-classman

These are the upper class beggars from Pakistan that have come here and infested our streets. They tell you how their sponsor/friend/distant uncle duped them of money, and that they haven’t eaten for days and they can’t pay their rent. I’ve come across a few that started to cry, but that was years ago when I believed them enough to let their saga reach that far.

A recent local investigative report said that they purchase tour packages from Pakistan, come to Dubai and stay at 3-4 star hotels, and roam the streets trying to recover enough money to pay for the trip, and then some. Most of them make roughly AED 500 – 800 (USD 135 – 215) a day, just by asking people for it! They come in to the country dressed decently, but in their suitcases they carry various torn and tattered articles of clothing, complete with sweat stains and patched edges. They even promise to pay you back, asking for your postal address, like they are going to return your AED50 via air mail in an envelope.

How to get rid of him: You will probably know within the first 20 seconds of the conversation that he is going to ask you for money. Your money is yours brother. There’s no shame in saying no, especially if he’s a con artist. Stop him mid-sentence, catch him off guard. He doesn’t know that you know what he’s doing. Saying sorry is just not enough, because then he thinks you are being cheap. let him know that you will not part with your money for him. He should be ashamed telling you a false story. On one such occasion, I made this guy walk with me to a nearby grocery store, bought him a washcloth and an empty bucket which he could fill with tap water, and asked him to offer to wash people’s cars for some money. I even told him he could start with my car, for AED 20. True story, by the way. Needless to say, he wasn’t interested. The money wasn’t enough apparently.

The stranded tourist family

You can spot them parked in front of a gas station mini-mart in a 10 year old Sunny or Corolla, with a number plate from Oman (or in one case, Abu Dhabi). In case you can’t avoid them and happen to pass by right next to them, the man at the wheel will ask to talk to you. He will pull his window down and display a group of passengers who, more often than not, include a wife, an infant, two kids aged between 4 and 7, and even an elderly woman. The story will go along the lines of him losing his wallet and not having enough money to get back home. His infant would be starving, his mother (the old lady at the back with the noisy brats) would be sickly and his fuel tank close to empty (he’ll show it to you). He will want cash, of course. Nothing else will do.

The truth is that they really are from another town, but have come here for this very purpose. It’s the family’s day out and our Pakistani brother thought he could probably pull it off for free. So he decided to take them all to a bust gas station and ask people for money using his brilliant backdrop.

How to get rid of him: If you are able to overcome your guilt and pity (which you should) you will notice that he has practically handed you a weapon to fight back with, thus making it really easy for you. Insult him. Tell him that it’s bad enough begging alone, but to bring the whole family along and witness his shameful act, especially innocent children, is the lowest of the low. Make sure you insult no one else. That could backfire. But do make him feel like shit. Then walk away.

The bearded guy with the laminated prayer

These guys will approach you when your car is parked, or even if you are just walking on the street. They will be selling laminated pieces of paper that have Quranic verses on them, and asking you to buy them in exchange for an obviously ridiculous amount. Now I know that the pious one inside of you claims that you can’t put a price on Quranic verses, but think about it. Your salesman already has. He wants AED 50 for two Ayatul Kursi verses with Allah and Mohammed on the back, and he suggests you keep one in your car and one in your home! He’s clever, this one. He isn’t begging. At least not in an obvious way. He’s making a sale. (By the way, if you don’t want what he’s selling, he will accept cash in exchange for nothing). He’s using the donation angle. And he’s not letting you go. He will recite verses from the Quran that talk about Zakah, telling you how Allah, Subhana Wa Ta Aala proclaims that he who gives to the poor gets rewarded by the Lord ten-fold. He’ll say it in Arabic, making it more authentic to your ears.

How to get rid of him: This is difficult. And you may feel you are committing blasphemy, or ridiculing religion, but you aren’t. He is. You can just say a plain “no” to him and then drive away feeling ashamed, or you can try to make a deal with him. Tell him that you will buy his entire collection for a certain amount because you want to sell it to other people at a higher price. However, the clause is, that he doesn’t get paid until you make up the amount you owe him. You keep the profit. He gets his share. Ask him he can come along with you for a ride as you try to sell it. See how that works out.

These beggars are playing on your guilt. It’s up to you to not let them. It’s a real pity that they’re all (or at least mostly) Pakistanis, because aside from us being labeled as terrorists, fanatics, con-men, traitors and killers, we can now be generalized as beggars by the outsiders. Who do we thank?

If you have met any one of these beggars in Dubai, please leave a comment, share your story or your opinion.