Filed under Current Affairs

The problem with closeted friends…

Let me just start by saying that I don’t actually have a problem with gays. They’re fine by me, and I respect them. I’m not homophobic and I don’t say “stay away from me” if you admit you’re gay, ‘cos I understand you’re gay and not an anal rapist. Which reminds me… why do guys do that? What if girls started saying that to heterosexual guys? Wouldn’t that be offensive?

Anyways, so, as things go nowadays, I do have a few gay friends and they’re cool, and my behavior with them is totally normal. But, there is this one friend who I know is gay, and everyone knows is gay, but since he hasn’t mustered up the courage to step out of the closet yet (he’s 32, it’s about time!), it puts the rest of us in a really awkward situation – pretending that we think he’s straight.

Harder (excuse the deliberate innuendo) than you might think. Continue reading

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How to lose a guy in one wedding

My friend Chunky, who had promised himself bachelorhood for life, has decided to get married. It’s okay, I mean, it’s his promise. But, for the rest of us who’ve already entered this holiest of bonds, Chunky stood as an example of perseverance, will-power and balls-still-attached manhood, somehow. He didn’t “fall” in love. He remained on his feet and weathered the storm of clingy girls and needy, demanding women – he remained unattached. But no more. Continue reading

I am Pakistan

Yes, and it’s because of the way I am.

I think I love my country, I’m not sure. I am a hypocrite. I am first to criticize it when I see its troubles, but not the first to act and do something about those troubles. And that, dear readers, is what Pakistan is all about. I quote Jinnah every once in a while to vocalize my supposed patriotism, but I don’t necessary follow his ideology. I pray five times a day and I fast during Ramadan but after Iftar I curse on the streets and lech at my friend’s sister. Continue reading

A Day in Reverse [VIDEO]

Check it out:

Tequila or not Tequila

Now, I don’t quite know what it is, but there’s nothing, no matter how far out I look, that can happen on a weekend out with friends at a club, that compares to the simultaneous awesomeness and ill-decisiveness of drinking shots. You’re there with a bunch of your mates; it’s not even an occasion. Suddenly, your table is splattered with myriads of shot glasses including the likes of tequila, vodka, rum, Kahlua, Sambuca, B52′s and whatnot, and sometimes, if your friends are real assholes – Absinthe. Continue reading

All Hail the Asshole

We all know a few, don’t we? Assholes, that is. It could be your boss, your neighbor, your father-in-law, your co-worker, your husband, your wife’s/girlfriend’s ex-boyfriend – anybody. And everyone, unanimously, just hates them. As do I. But, let’s just stop and think for a moment. It’s true, they’re minions of all that is evil, but it is their very lack of concern when stepping over other people, their horn-honking impatience and their arrogant disregard for those around them that makes them what they are – and, in turn, makes the world tick.

Continue reading

Meddle, and ye shall repent

The Meddler – that’s my super-villain name. I like the sound of it. What would my superpowers be, I wonder. Would I just be someone who drops in and does things that aren’t his business? Would I just wreak havoc by changing the arrangements of things, giving useless input and generally be meddlesome? No. Meddlers aren’t like that. Meddlers mean well. And I meant well, but I suffered. Continue reading

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The Facebook World War

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